We did it, y’all!
Somehow, somehow, we spent too much time watching Jenn find her happy life this season of The Bachelorette. Or is she?
You certainly wouldn’t know it from the utterly ominous tone in which Jesse hosts the first hour, but let’s not jump ahead. We have three (!!!) hours left, so let’s get started.
After the recap we saw from week one, where Jenn tells the guy in the tan suit that she can’t let them propose, Jesse heads to the live studio audience, ready to see love, tears, heartbreak, and everything in between Everything in between – of course, everything you want to happen in front of a live audience.
He’s very creepy in the beginning because we’re about to see something we’ve never seen before, and I shouldn’t believe him, but I do.
Back in Hawaii, Devin and Marcus meet Jen’s mom, aunt, brother, and best friend, and you can tell they’re all skeptical. We’ve heard a lot about Jenn’s past relationships being very unhealthy, and it’s obviously taken a toll on her family as well.
You can almost feel the inner eyes rolling in the room when Jen tells them that only one of the two has expressed love for her.
The family first meets Devon, who is his normal self, which is to say, he’s very free in his praise of Jenn, his love for her, and how she makes him feel. But Jen’s family is unmoved by anything he says, which sucks for Devin, but that’s just a point in the drama column.
When Jenn reported the situation to her mom, Trinh, she just didn’t feel anything. Respect her because she doesn’t care what this show is about. Jenn is her daughter and she is not going to act just because the camera is on her.
Give us more, Trinh!
Back in LA, Dylan (my favorite), Jeremy and Jonathan were all there for some reason. When Jesse contacted them, Jonathan said he had heard “rumors” and wanted Jenn to support her, while Jeremy said he wanted to support these people, too.
Now, what’s going on here? I know they need to keep people invested in these three (!!!) hours, but I’m starting to feel baited and annoyed.
The final reveal was at its best Ali and Becca level and made me want to scream at the TV.
Back to Jen and James, they spill the beans and like his family, he’s not here for anything Devon is selling. What’s more, I kinda feel bad for the guy when Devin doesn’t give him his blessing when he asks for it privately.
He thought he was going to make small talk with these people, but in a surprising way he did the opposite.
Jenn bids him farewell while also telling him not to get stuck, but good luck my guy!
Next, Jesse sets up another plug for that show about Mormons and has Hakeem sit awkwardly between two couples when he should be sitting with his kids. He’s nervous too, I swear if they don’t stop this feeling of foreboding!
I’ve given up on the whole Monday night thing. Enough!
Presumably, when Devon returned to the hotel and Marcus showed up to meet Jen’s family, they already had some feelings for him, which is pretty obvious and not entirely false.
They knew he wasn’t in love with Jenn, and while they could appreciate his sincerity in talking about his past, it didn’t tell them much about how he felt about Jenn or their relationship.
While Marcus was talking to James, he did this thing where he danced around every question and looked down at the ground, and those things don’t fly with Mr. James! He’d already been there and done this with Jenn’s ex, and he was tired.
Ms. Trinh then talks to Marcus, and she’s even less impressed with him than she is with Devin. Is there a real future between Jenny’s family when they are so dismissive of them both?
When Jenn talks things through with James, it’s clear that he sees Marcus as an amalgamation of all her exes and needs her to see that, too. Their chat is by far the saddest thing we’ve seen because you can tell there’s so much sibling love there.
It also helped to see James cry in Los Angeles.
Before Jen breaks up with Marcus, she again asks him to tell her how he feels about anything, but he continues talking without saying much. It’s not the same way Sam M. talks, but Marcus has a way of babbling on and on to the point where you forget the original question.
It would be impressive, if not infuriating.
Next we have another member of the audience check in with Jesse. This time, James tells us he’s not happy, and boy, do we get it! Something might happen at 10:55 PM ET.
Jen and Devin had one last date in Hawaii, and it was sweet. The two enjoy immersing themselves in and participating in the culture of the places they visit, so they participate in Hawaiian spiritual ceremonies that allow them to leave their past behind and look toward the future together.
It’s obvious that Jenn is going to choose Devin, but what is everyone in Los Angeles so mad about?
Basically the same date night with Devin and Jenn. They love each other; Devin gives Jane a gift, Devin trusts her, and they kiss.
Again, Jenn chose Devin, so when are we going to ditch Marcus?
Well, that’s for sure until the Dr. Odyssey add-on is released. (Side note: I’ll be covering Dr. Odyssey for TV Fanatic, so come back this season!)
The day of her date with Marcus, Jen was confused and decided to get answers from the source instead of spending the whole day smiling at a man she was quickly losing hope in.
There have been a lot of hotel conversations this season involving another bumbling man and a woman who wants someone to stand up and fight for her and their relationship.
This is too much to ask of these people.
Marcus dropped a bomb during their chat, but it was too little, too late, as he said he wanted to try it with her at the same time.
Excuse me?
It might be hard for Jenn to realize that Marcus is giving her the same energy as before, but she does. It’s indeed time.
Cut to Los Angeles, where Marcus is now with Jesse, but there’s still nothing substantial to say. He insists he didn’t get what she needed, and then Jen comes out and they’re polite to people who have said they love each other.
One thing about Jenn is she sticks to her feelings. She didn’t back out or act like things were different with Marcus than they seemed. That’s what their relationship was like, but she checked out of the fantasy suite and that’s how it ended for Marcus.
Now, it’s time to go ring shopping with Devin, and then we get something I don’t think we’ve ever seen before…Jenn is proposing to Devin!
You might ask why, like I did, but I mean, is it good for her? She was talking about choosing herself, but I felt sick because the way the audience was angry meant something nasty was about to happen.
That’s when Jesse told us we wouldn’t see that proposal and my stomach hurt!
Jenn burst into tears backstage and she cried silently on stage for a full minute and it was incredibly heartbreaking.
I’ve seen a lot of bachelor dumps and chaos at live shows, but this one was one of the worst.
Jenn told us in detail that Devin was a terrible person and changed once they left Hawaii. She had been struggling with their relationship for months. She described the basics of him in detail, saying he no longer loved her, regretted the engagement, and eventually broke up with her over the phone.
You must be kidding me.
I have been hoodwinked, confused, led astray, misled, and outright deceived (in my Stephen A. Smith voice!)
I could see Marcus doing something like this (sorry, not sorry), but Devin? I feel sick that I defended him when it was all lies and propaganda!
By the time they even brought Devon out, you could tell that room in Los Angeles was already so hot, it was literally scorched. Whenever Devin was asked to explain himself, he did himself no favors by stammering.
The German in the play is not the same person as the German in the last few paragraphs. He was very confident in himself on the show, but when faced with his inconsiderate behavior after the show, he had nothing to say.
I’m sorry, but Devin gave his version of “It’s me, not you,” and Jen and I saw right through it the minute he started talking.
Oh, and Jenn is a stronger woman than I am, because I’m not going to sit on the couch with a man who called off an engagement over the phone. Not even Facetime!
I know it’s a show and they’re trying to milk the drama, but in what universe are the two of them sitting there watching a proposal? This is emotional warfare.
It’s hard to even understand what’s being said in a dual proposal when you know one party is a liar.
This season is historic and has huge potential. Instead, it ends with Jen reconnecting with all of her past relationships, with the added bonus of all of America watching things crash and burn.
When it was all over, Jesse tried his best to get Jenn turned on, but it was all so awkward and Jenn didn’t deserve it! She deserves a better group of men fighting for her.
She deserves better from everyone.
It took me three showers to wash away the stink from the last forty-five minutes.
I felt bad for Jenn, not even the cute golden bachelorette plug to end the night could undo the damage.
Thank you for following this season! I’m still shocked by where we are now, but if there’s anything to expect from this ABC show at this point, it’s that what’s going on is going to make you angry.
Please leave me a comment below with your reaction to what happened. I can’t wait to hear everyone’s thoughts!
