Alright. You’ve woken up at an hour that should be illegal, suffered through airport traffic, waited through a security line long enough to make you wish you’d done that pre-check thing, and at last made it onboard your flight. Now comes the good part, the exciting part, the whole reason you put up with all of that craziness. No, not traveling to exotic places or reconnecting with family; you’re here for the in-flight safety videos.
What used to be a dull, perfunctory affair mostly ignored by bored passengers has evolved into something of an arms race among airlines. Flashy dances, catchy music, stirring love affairs, and surprisingly good production value have led to briefings that are better than the movie you’ll watch afterwards. They’re not all successful, and some are, well, trying a little too hard. But some are, and I’m speaking objectively here, the greatest things ever made. Here are the safety videos that make travel worth it.
Virgin America: The Musical
The video that first made me realize that we, as a society, could demand more from our safety briefings, this one of course comes from a Virgin airline, Virgin America. A brand that famously likes to be a little unserious and subversive (it’s called Virgin!), the service eschewed the traditional, straight-ahead list of government-mandated announcements. In its stead, the information was presented by a blistering piece of musical theater, performed with gusto by a dance troupe clearly having the time of their lives. It somehow manages to weave several music genres together into a five-minute medley, starting and ending with what may be the catchiest chorus I’ve ever heard. Virgin America may be dead (though its mood lighting was absorbed by its buyer, Alaska Airlines), but its safety video lives forever.
British Airways: Wuthering Altitudes
Safety matters, and yet, the people do not yearn for safety. The people yearn to yearn, to long, to pine. The people want blazing eyes, heaving chests, aching hearts, and soaked shirts. In other words, they want to live before they die, or in this case, fly. None know this more than the British, the culture that gave us Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, and the entire Regency era. If Game of Thrones gave the world sexposition, then British Airways now gives the world the romantic safety video entitled “May We Haveth One’s Attention.” Why, yes. Yes, you can, if only my heart could stand to be apart from you even a moment longer. More recently, Philippine Airlines created a safety telenovela along the same lines.
Air New Zealand: Mid-Flight Middle-Earth
Most people don’t know this, but once upon a time, New Zealand was actually a country and not a set for Middle-earth films and shows. Anyway, we’re well into the latter era now, and that’s reflected in Air New Zealand’s safety videos. The first one, from 2012, must have been the highest-budget briefing ever made, a blockbuster safety video. But just like actual movies, the sequel is even bigger, bolder, and more star-studded. It includes several of LOTR’s actors, various movie characters, director Peter Jackson, and even Elijah Wood. Truly, a video that has it all.
Korean Air: Airborne K-Pop
What if safety was just, you know, prettier? I imagine what happened was that Korean Air tried to make a normal, boring safety video, but then a K-pop boy band simply walked by, and everything became sparkling, glamorous, and musical. Ostensibly, watching this will help you in case there’s an emergency, but you might not notice while you’re busy obsessing over that hair. Anyway, by the time you land, you’ll be better dressed and better looking and possibly dancing. And safe!
All Nippon Airways: Kabuki Cabin
Kabuki is a centuries-old Japanese tradition blending dance, music, make-up, and masks. UNESCO has declared it an Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity. All of it was seemingly integrated into this safety video, and the kabuki troupe clearly took it as seriously as possible. If there were a classical, traditional performance about putting your phone in airplane mode, this would be it. It is simultaneously amusing, funny, briefly terrifying, somewhat mesmerizing, and informative. If you positively must have a plane crash, you will do it in the most amazing way possible after watching this.
Turkish Airlines: The Lego Plane Movie
Which was better: the first Lego movie, its sequel, the Batman one, or that ninja one? You’re all wrong: it’s this safety video, made for Turkish Airlines. I have no idea why Turkey, Lego, and Hollywood all got together for this, but I’m here for the collab. This features the actual characters and voice cast from those films, bringing the same self-aware zaniness that they did on the big screen. Just like the other safety videos, and like the Lego movies, this one has a catchy song, causing Lego Batman to wail, “No one wants to hear a song about safety!” Sorry, Batman, your tender, sonar-sensitive ears will probably want to skip about half of the videos on this list.
Air New Zealand: Wait, There’s More Than Middle-Earth?
So apparently, Peter Jackson had an influence on his native country. All films, of any kind, must be high-budget effects-laden spectacles. What’s more, you must make too many of them, probably for diminishing returns. So, fresh from their Middle-earth safety videos, Air New Zealand plowed right on ahead and kept making slickly produced instructional briefings about seat belts and non-smoking. There’s one in celebration of their rugby team, the All Blacks. Too sporty for you? Here’s some childhood whimsy for you. Too old to be that young? Allow Betty White and her friends to be even older than you are. Still not old enough? Enjoy this one inspired by Will Smith’s “Men in Black” song from his film of the same name, which I believe was made before the dawn of civilization. At least, that’s how old I feel watching it again.
UK Civil A
Safety videos are for more than just the passengers, of course. It’s also vital that the people loading your baggage onto the aircraft do so properly, or else the plane might be out of balance. If it does become unbalanced, then the center of gravity will become… You know what? Best to let this kind British man explain it to you with his nice, soothing voice.
That also just so happens to be the voice of the greatest band of all time, Iron Maiden.
When he’s not on yet another world tour, Bruce Dickinson moonlights as a commercial airline pilot. In fact, he sometimes does both at once, acting as the pilot for the band’s chartered jet while they’re on tour. Yes, he’d fly a plane one day, go to sleep, wake up, and go belt out “Fear of the Dark” the next day. I’m sorry, were you complaining about being busy? Anyway, for this safety video, Dickinson plays it straight and never mentions his other job.
